Well I'll have YOU KNOW!!!!
Cartoons about arguments
My name is Hilary and I never argue with anyone ever. Well, that used to be true. In my 20s I was completely terrified of arguing. Disagreement? *SHUDDERS* Emotional tete-a-tete? *I’M RUNNING AWAY AS WE SPEAK* The little Catholic School girl in me wanted to suppress every negative feeling I’d ever had. I couldn’t handle even the slightest kerfuffle without me having a full blown meltdown which ultimately made it about me (heheheh). But now? In my wise age of thirty-three? I’m an arguing expert. You want to have a throw down at the super market? I’m ready to bring up every reason you’re wrong about which chips are the good chips. Let’s see who wins. You want to get into it at a family reunion? I’m about to bring up that time you puked in the sink that everyone still remembers. You wanna dish it out on this gorgeous beach? I AM FRIGGIN READY AND I WILL NOT SHY AWAY FROM MAKING THE SEAGULLS UNCOMFORTABLE. IN FACT, THESE SEAGULLS SHOULD BE HONORED THAT I’M HERE, IN FRONT OF THEM, MILDLY PISSED OFF!!!!!
The worst part about arguing is apologizing. You're sorry??? How dare you!
Scheduling time to settle arguments —with swords, sticks or pistols— was such a silly thing in hindsight. Who was so busy they had to schedule a fight? There weren’t even bullshit email jobs that kept people working overtime back then! That said… can I argue with you about this on Tuesday at 3?
Argument prompt: You're a tortured genius, who is on the brink of creating something beautiful and profound (nobody understands how deep you are), but your girlfriend absolutely needs you to drink margaritas. My advice: always just do the margs.
Rather than ever have an argument for which confrontation and assertion of one’s needs is required, I am more likely to stay silent and fade away into the Homeric* hedges of self-imposed emotional distance instead. To me, the ingredients necessary to arguing are: the belief that one’s stance on a particular subject is worth externalizing, the belief that your verbal sparring partner’s position is antithetical to yours, and the mutual agreement that both parties care enough about the subject as well as the other’s views on it to argue about it.
The last aspect is often the one that’s missing, sometimes coupled with the first. How can I trust that my opinions (or even wants and desires) are worth advocating for when, at the best of times, my mind feels like a traitorous metal sieve, which I always assume will drain pasta just fine, but ends up further cooking the noodles to a gluey consistency due to its ability to conduct heat. I also suspect that an analogy that hinges on underestimating a metal object’s heat retention (and thereby its destructive, homogenizing effects) might have something to do with my fear of ever truly getting angry at anyone, but I’ll save that for my novel.
*Simpson, not the epic poet
"Oh my god babe, did you hear how he talks to her? And how she talks to him? I just don't get how that relationship can be functional."
"I dunno, maybe that's just their thing. Maybe it works for them."
"Yeah, I guess..."
Two years later:
"Wow, did you hear they're getting divorced?"
"Yeah, not surprised."
As a non-confrontational guy, I usually have my arguments within the safety of my head, which makes it that much more frustrating when I lose.
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Once I stopped arguing with people who don't want to change their mind, my life improved significantly.
I think there is a lot of wisdom in this as ingredients for arguing:
"the belief that one’s stance on a particular subject is worth externalizing, the belief that your verbal sparring partner’s position is antithetical to yours, and the mutual agreement that both parties care enough about the subject as well as the other’s views on it to argue about it."
A lot of the breakdown occurs in the third part. The other party usually shows they don't care about your viewpoint.Does that mean the argument should not occur? At the very least the person in question needs to know there is a viewpoint out there, and if they transgressed or infringed based on their viewpoint. They should at least walk away with the thought (I know...wish in one hand, s in the other and see which fills up first) that maybe they should think twice about such infringement.
There was always that sitcom in the seventies where one member of a couple would unilaterally do something as a "surprise" for the other person without consulting with them, and it was something big like "buying a house" or "getting a dog" when the other person didn't like dogs. Something that the one thought was a gift...but should have really consulted before such an impulsive decision was made.