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An Oscars Toonstack
It’s the Oscars again which can only mean one thing: no cartoons have been nominated again. Sure, there are animated films, but telling a story in 24 frames per second is easy. That comes out to 129,600 frames (see, easy) for a 90 minute film (yawn). Try telling a story in 1.
I recently watched Graveyard of the Fireflies for the first time. It had two, maybe three jokes in it, tops. Imagine what the cartoonists at Toonstack could do with 129,000 frames.
Probably get really sleepy and for sure finish it tomorrow or the day after. For sure.
Anyway, best of luck to all the nominees tonight who needed 129,000+ frames to tell moving, funny, and thought-provoking stories this year.
Cowards.
- Navied
I can’t believe I’m saying this, but if I won an Oscar I might have to thank my bathtub before I thank my mother.Â
Please join me for my Oscar virtual live draw tonight! You can sign up by sending me $5 on Venmo or Paypal, or by becoming a paid subscriber of Cartoons by Hilary here on Substack! I’ll be churning out as many toons as possible starting at 8 PM EST.Â
There was one time I attended an awards ceremony in which I was a nominee. I only half wrote down an acceptance speech because I figured there was only a 33% chance I would win, so why invest the time and energy? As they announced my category, I wanted to win, but I also didn’t want to win because that would mean having to go up on stage, and then everyone would witness my horrible halfway completed speech.Â
The moral of this story is that anyone who has to go up on a stage to give an acceptance speech is a winner in my eyes, just for the fact that they had to go up on a stage to give an acceptance speech.Â
The Oscars famously have a lot of problems. But I know exactly how to fix it up. First, let’s talk about the length: it's far too short. We need AT LEAST six hours of speeches, jokes, musical numbers, montages and commercials if you want to hold people’s attention. Second, too few nominations. Why not include every single movie that came out in 2022? That way no one feels left out. Add a few from 2021 while you're at it, and maybe a few of the 2023 January flicks. I would also suggest adding more categories. Also, why does it all have to be about movies? Why can't we add some other kinds of mediums, or even non-artistic jobs? Like, who was 2022’s best tax attorney? I would like to know! These are easy fixes, people. I don't see why the academy keeps ignoring my letters.
I’ve made a few cartoons about people asking for exactly what they want. That’s preposterous! People aren’t meant to say what they want. People are meant to mutter their dreams into a cup of Yoplait, put the little foil back on the top, and stuff that cup into their sock drawer along with all the other cups of yogurt and dreams. Then, people are meant to wait until the ant infestation of their sock drawer comes to a head, so that when they put on their socks, a column of ants carries them bodily from their bedroom straight to the stage of the 95th Academy Awards ceremony, where they would like to thank the American food conglomerate General Mills and the French dairy cooperative Sodiaal for supporting them from the very beginning.
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