Turkey Stack
a very special Thanksgiving ToonStack
Websters dictionary defines turkey as “a large North American gallinaceous bird.” Obviously “gallinaceous” is hilarious sounding, so turkey good. But Websters also defines turkey as “failure, flop.” So turkey bad. However, Websters also defines it as “three successive strikes in bowling” (you can see where this is going). And as I learned in the 1998 documentary about bowling The Big Lebowksi , strikes are good, so turkey good. BUT Websters also defines it as "a stupid, foolish, or inept person” so turkey bad.
I guess you can say turkeys are complicated. Thankfully, Thanksgiving is never complicated.
So dear ToonStackers, for those of you celebrating today, happy Turkey Day. We are thankful for all of you.
- Navied
I’m in it for the leftovers.
I honestly do not give a fuck about eating turkey on Thanksgiving. Why? Because it’s dry. Even turkey that isn’t dry, is dry. Why else is everyone covering it in gravy? What do I care about? What’s inside the turkey!! Stuffing baby! Little pieces of bread!! That soaked up all the …. Oh no. Is that why turkey is dry? Because we put bread inside it?
I sorta feel bad for Thanksgiving. It comes after Halloween, a tough act to follow, and comes right before the real holidays. The long weekend is nice, but no one is really on break yet. Turkey isn't like, you know, good. Its lasting reputation is that it’s known for fighting with extended family. I mean, what is the point of this holiday? Giant Snoopy balloon?
Actually, yeah. Giant Snoopy balloon. Giant Snoopy balloon works.
Here’s a drawing of the two parts of my brain. I am very motivated by love, and I am very, very motivated by food. One Thanksgiving I kept eating my dinner even though we’d all just realized that there were glass shards in the food (due to a casserole dish that fractured in the oven). I kept eating - figuring that I could probably eat around tiny, invisible glass shards. (Others disagreed and the plate was forcibly taken away). Point being, Thanksgiving generally has lots of food so it’s a slam dunk in my book.
In all honesty, one time my family just ordered a pizza. Already carved for you.
Things I’m Thankful For, In No Particular Order:
Family, friends, bagels, the movie Shrek, my second grade field trip to the aquarium, the Knicks, autumn in New York, accidentally falling into the sea lion tank at the aquarium and being rescued by the mother sea lion, hot coffee on a Sunday morning, regaining consciousness and discovering my newfound ability to communicate with sea lions, which, admittedly, doesn’t come in to play too often, but is still pretty neat, considering all the cool sea lions I’ve gotten to know over the years, pizza, and of course, the readers of ToonStack.
I’m thankful for short stacks, long johns, tall boys, cold ones, hot pots, and tater tots— even though they go right to my middle. But that’s where the puffer vest comes in.
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