Toonsock
How I learned to stop worrying and love socks
I grew up in Miami (big hi 305!™), and while that means I know a lot about bathing suits, guayaberas, and driving recklessly, it also means I had to learn a lot clothing wise once I moved to cooler climates, like house shoes, Gore-Tex, and socks. Being a kid in Miami meant racing from one air-conditioned place another in order to escape the heat and occasional alligator attack, all while in flip-flops, sans socks (socks and sandals weren’t a thing yet. Thank you, zoomers). So I’ve been playing a lot of catch up socks-wise since.
I still don’t get bathrobes.
- Navied
I used to wear socks until they became rags. Now I throw them out when they get the smallest hole. What happened to me? I used to be someone. I used to have passion, soul, a rich interior full of life and imagination. Now I can't wear a sock with a little hole in it? Like some sort of weak-willed nobody letting life pass me by as I sit there in my pathetic new socks, wondering when I’m gonna get another shot in life? Well guess what, Ellis! You're not going to get another shot just sitting there with your warm feet, content as a damp stick! NOTHING HAPPENS TO THOSE WHO WAIT YOU SAD, LITTLE MAD! WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?? WAKE THE FUCK UP!
Ahem. sorry. Anyway, I just got a pair of socks with capybaras on them. Neat!
The socks are a supporting player in this one, but they play an important role. Notice how fuzzy, how comfy. They’re based on some real socks I have. For years I lived in an apartment that had a tile floor that got cold in the winter. This kitchen drawing is based on that apartment’s kitchen, so when I look at it I feel the cold floor. Hence the fuzzy socks.
Navied could have picked a different adornment for a different body part and this cartoon would have been a shoe-in (see what I did there?). Why not ears and earrings, Navied? Lips and mustaches? Why is everyone so obsessed with feet anyway? How come you never hear about eyeball fetishes?? By the way, did you know that according to the second law of Amy’s Fundamental Theories, all clothing is either pants or a sock? For more theories and for drawings of boob pants (bra) and a head sock (hat), click here.
Socks stress me out. I think they cost more money than they should, so I wear the same socks for years, until there’s so many holes in them that my mother is embarrassed to say she raised me and tries to hid my fat little toes at the family reunion. But I have no shame. I yell to my aunts, “You think I have money to buy socks?! Outrageous! I live in New York!” And then my aunts send me socks from Costco in the mail. Alas, the system works. I never have to buy myself socks.
ToonStack NewsStack
Catch Hilary live at Real Live Girls, October 11th at Young Ethels! Free!
Want a crash course on comics? Sofia’s teaching a 2-day comics workshop (online) through the Center for Fiction, October 7th and 8th!
Amy Kurzweil’s new book, Artificial: A Love Story, is available for preorder!
Navied Mahdavian’s graphic memoir, This Country: Searching for Home in (Very) Rural America is out, and it’s getting rave reviews!
Ellis Rosen’s DINK! is the perfect gift for the pickleball enthusiast in your life!
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Also! Hilary started a film club here on Substack!
Wow even more comedy… if you’re in Pennsylvania, Emily Flake’s St. Nell’s is hosting it’s unagural comedy festival Nell’s Bells in October!
We, your cartoon parents, will love you unconditionally as long as you: