Take Two Cartoons and Call Me in the Morning
a guest editor cures what ails us
Hello,
Bob Mankoff, former Cartoon Editor of The New Yorker, guest editing this issue of Toonstack. Like any good guest, I don't want to overstay my welcome, so let's get started.
I'm a hypochondriac. I blame my mother. When I was an infant, she used to hold a mirror up to my mouth to see if it would fog over and prove I was still breathing. I still do that occasionally, just to make sure.
I've found the best antidote to my hypochondria is illness. Aging has granted me a bunch of ailments that let me obsessively worry about all the things that are actually wrong with me rather than all those that might be. That's better because it's a smaller list. Also, my doctor assures me that none of my present afflictions can kill me. I take comfort in that but do worry what might happen if they all got together.
These days no matter how minor the malady, tests are in order.
Lots of tests will invariably reveal something that requires just a "routine procedure" to make things right. Take this with a grain of salt and a ton of painkillers if you can get them.
If you can’t score any of that good stuff, laugh yourself to health with these cartoons and comments by my fellow Toonstackers.
Sofia Warren
Look: cartooning is all I've got. Am I a good chef? No, I have yet to make a single edible thing. OK, but do I sing like an angel? No, I am a member of the family awarded "Most Tonedeaf" by Rhode Island Magazine in 2015, 2016, and 2017 (at which point we were politely asked to stop competing). I don't have any hobbies, interests, or alternate career paths. So when people swan into cartooning as their Act II, after successful lives as doctors and lawyers, I'm tempted to give them one of my famous meatloafs or sing their ears off. Or at least draw this cartoon.
Hilary Campbell
I drew this cartoon after my mother slipped and fell on Houston street and fractured her hip. We ended up in NYU Langone for a week, and actually being able to find and talk to the doctor was literally impossible. My dad is a doctor, so it felt funny to be complaining like, "These doctors are never here." But quite frankly, the doctors were never there, and when they did arrive, it felt like a celebrity sighting.
Ellis Rosen
There are lots of reasons I don't like going to the doctor. The first is, I hate making appointments. There's something depressingly adult about calling in for an annual appointment. I call in, and then someone at a desk puts my name in a computer, next to a timeslot. I get chills just thinking about it. Second, I hate actually going in. I'm just sitting, minding my own business, and then suddenly I realize I have to leave my house? It's very inconvenient! Finally, my relationship with my doctor is confusing. We have this weird dance, where I'm all like, "Please think I'm funny," and they're all like, "I have other patients to see." Anyway, this is why I don't like going to the doctor.
Oh! Also, anytime I think about my body and its limitations, I think of myself as a slab of meat inching closer towards its expiration date and go into an existential spiral. But mostly the leaving the house thing.
Kendra Allenby
Sleep is obviously the most important thing in the universe. In the past, one of the surest ways for me to get a one-way ticket to crazy town was not being able to fall asleep when I desperately wanted to fall asleep. This body and mind I have performs best on 10 hours of sleep a night, so I just don't have time to stare at the ceiling contemplating my mistakes. Whoever said 8 hours was the way to go is a fool and a charlatan. I have wisely left the crazy behind these days and just wander the apartment like a disgruntled but mild-mannered zombie. The point being, if Hamlet and Ophelia had access to a really good night's snooze, I think that play would have turned out differently.
Amy Kurzweil
A hypochondriac? Who me? Who told you I was a hypochondriac? Is it serious? Does it hurt? Will it embarrass me? Will I have to undergo uncertain treatments for it? Will it place me under the auspices of people who don't really care about me? Is it expensive? Will it ruin my life, just when things were starting to work out? Is it the one true thing that will finally explain everything that's ever been wrong with me?
What's that? The tests are in, and….? This is just regular, run-of-the-mill anxiety, you say? OK, OK. So… what do you have for that?
Navied Mahdavian
P.S. Dad, please stop sending me medical school applications.
For Your Pleasure: Cartoon Extras
Have you checked out cartoonstock.com? Thanks to New Yorker cartoon editor emeritus, Bob Mankoff, this is the place to license and buy prints and merch of the best cartoons in the world, from The New Yorker, Wired, Airmail and... coming very soon... ToonStack!
Order Send Help! a desert island cartoon collection by Ellis Rosen and Jon Adams, out now!
Order Hilary Campell’s Murder Book, out now!
Pre-order Sofia Warren’s book, Radical!
Read Bob Mankoff’s memoir, How About Never—Is Never Good for You?
Amy Kurzweil teaches cartoon classes on Patreon!
Be sure to check out Shelby Lorman’s newsletter, Please Clap!
The same goes for Sofia Warren’s advice newsletter, You’re Doing Great!
See more cartoons from Ellis Rosen’s weekly Junk Drawer!
And hey, we always would love it if ya…