Merry Grinchmas
and a Happy Hanugrump
Yeah yeah,
So it’s that time of year, the loud-constant-bell-ringing-outside-the-Walgreens time of year, and you have asked of me to spread merriment and cheer, but I, like Melville’s scrivener (that radical) would prefer not to.
Yes, Bartleby and I are like Seuss’s eponymous Grinch who, upon hearing Mariah Carey’s sole possessive desire, or the supremacist dream of precipitation, or the problematic insistence on outdoor coldness (she really can’t stay, you leech!!) for the umpteenth time, stages a public meltdown — I would just like to touch all the avocados in the Trader Joe’s in acoustic peace!! Like Grinch, I also have decorated my house with witches and pumpkins, just to confuse passersby into thinking it’s still Halloween, and I also pelt Snickers bars at carolers and run through malls screaming “earthquake!” to disrupt the lines of children waiting to perpetuate their soulless materialism in the lap of an uninsured man. (This is the plot of Seuss’s book right? I never actually read it because — true story — I had a very serious fear of all Dr. Seuss books growing up. The illustrations are too trippy. And what’s with calling yourself a doctor when you’re clearly a cartoonist??)
What I’m trying to say is that it’s my right to be abnormally disturbed by classic children’s stories and to act grumpy during this time of year. And it’s not Christmas yet, so for the length of this email, you can join me in my churlishness.
And lest you think this is a Christmas-specific grump, I’ll have you know I am a maximally inclusive malcontent. Hanukkah Shmanukkah. So we got our little fire festival to line up with your big tree bondage rave this year? Big whoop. 8 nights? I can keep this grump going all month.
Curmudgeonly yours,
Hilary Campbell
There’s sneaky grinches out there. They love Christmas but then they bring up topics that they know will ruin yours. WATCH OUT.
Sarah Morrissette
Re-gifting is about the grinchiest thing you could ever do. It says you’re thoughtless, cheap and lazy. Even if it’s a bar of gold. And don’t try to greenwash it by saying it’s “good for the environment.” If you do, I’ll give you the noodle bouquet collecting dust in the back of my cupboard, and wrap it in junk mail.
Roz Chast
Editor’s note: When asked to blurb this cartoon, Roz grinchily replied "'Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.' - E.B. White”
Jason Chatfield
This was a rough for a cartoon that never went anywhere in 2020 when Trump was phoning US governors to try and 'find votes' to get him over the line in that election.
I never read or saw anything about the Grinch growing up. I was raised in Australia, where the closest thing we had to a Grinch was the Prime Minister. By the time I moved to America, the term 'grinch' had been adopted as a term for anyone who didn't enjoy hearing Michael Bublé at their local CVS in October.
Kendra Allenby
The difference between a grinch and a saint is two cups of coffee and a shower.
Colin Tom
While looking for a Grinchly cartoon in my back logs, I realized that I practically never draw Christmas cartoons. I try to tell myself that it’s just because I don’t find Christmas that interesting—but I think that the most likely reason of all is that my heart is two sizes too small.
But wait, there’s more!
Cartoons by Hilary comes out every Friday with Hilary Fitzgerald Campbell
Amy Kurzweil’s graphic memoir, Artificial: A Love Story makes a great gift for the readers and robots in your life. Amy also teaches cartoon classes on Patreon! Sign up now to get the recording of every past class! This month marks her 50th class!!
Subscribe to Jason Chatfield’s regular weekly Substack at NewYorkCartoons.com. Jason also illustrated a book with Simpsons writer and Producer Mike Reiss, which makes a great holiday gift for the kids in your life!
See more cartoons from Sarah Morrissette!
See more cartoons from Colin Tom!
Roz Chast and Jason Adam Katzenstein have a new book coming out called The Two Saddest Kitchens. Get excited!
That’s it! Get out of here!
Wait but first can you actually:
Always enjoy my sundays with toonstack. Merry/Happy