Grrrripes

Legendary New Yorker cartoonist Mort Gerberg says cartoonists are like oysters:

“An oyster goes through his world and all these things happen. Every now and then a piece of schmutz, a grain of sand gets under his shell and irritates the oyster. And the reaction of the oyster is a pearl . . . for cartoonists they are pearls of wisdom.”

Gettin’ schmutzed, stewin’ on it: this is a cartoonists’ very livelihood. We can’t just slough off irritation or meditate ourselves calm like any old fool. We gotta gripe! So this week, I, Sofia, have solicited a collection of cartoons about things that tick us off.

Maggie Larson

A recent New Yorker article, “​​Email is Making Us Miserable,” sums up a gripe of mine pretty well. From an endless reply-all group email, fretting over the appropriate sign off, or deciding whether to archive, trash or file away your correspondence under a label, it feels so hard to keep up and stay organized. I’m all for communication but too often email muddles collaboration and leads to a general sense of overwhelm. In short, there are in fact some emails that really should have been meetings!

Johnny DiNapoli

‘

I love Jurassic Park. The score, the direction, the dinosaurs, the Wayne Knight. Movie magic. But the sequels? LOL. How did these scripts get greenlit? Like, it’s not a shaking-my-fist “they’re ruining my childhood” gripe. It’s just so funny that the franchise with that could produce the definitive dinosaur blockbuster could also produce a *completely serious* dinosaur auction scene where a  prehistoric stegosaurus sells for ELEVEN MILLION DOLLARS??? 

I guess my gripe isn’t that they keep making Jurassic Park movies. My gripe is that no one’s asked ME to make a Jurassic Park movie. I’d make a good Jurassic Park movie!

Ellis Rosen

Subway etiquette is one of my favorite topics of conversation. I can’t tell you how many weddings I ruined by yelling “Let people off before you get on!” during the vows. I think I like talking about it because as someone born and raised in New York, the subway is one of the few things I've mastered. 

My other favorite topic of conversation is me complaining about anything. I can’t tell you how many weddings I ruined by yelling “It’s too cold in here! Also, my knees hurt.” during the vows. I think I like complaining because as someone born and raised in New York, complaining  is one of the few things I've mastered. 

The final thing I've mastered is letting people know that I was born and raised in New York. You may not have noticed, but I’ve already mentioned it three times!

Sophie Lucido Johnson and Sammi Skolmoski

I, Sophie, am currently pregnant, and it is startling how much people love to frame advice as statements of absolute truth, in second person, as though they have a crystal ball and can see my exact future: “Oh, you’re going to start having to eating a lot of bananas; those swollen feet are begging for potassium.” “Soon you’re going to never sleep again for the rest of your life, so you should not be complaining about carpal tunnel.” “You’ll need to limit your calories, it looks like.” (This last one was from my chiropractor, who is a man and has never been pregnant.) But it has probably been since the  beginning of time that people have nagged other people about their bodies in ways that seem well-meaning, but ultimately lead to a lot of hate-cheese-eating. (This is a thing. If you ever get pregnant, you’ll hate-cheese-eat too.)

Sara Lautman

I have big gripes and little gripes about our frequently terrible world. One of the biggest ones for me is that I can’t have a career in advertising when the stuff that advertising comes up with is bad! This campaign for Pepsi seltzer product Bubly for example.

The idea is that the can of seltzer is flirting with you. Fine. 

But can I PLEASE have a job writing this garbage??? Otherwise my only coping mechanism is writing cartoons that make fun of it. This cartoon is about a litigious man who hurt himself trying to make love to the can of Bubly seltzer. 

Hilary Campbell

Listen, I love Hitchcock. I really do. I spend most Saturday nights trying to get people to rewatch Rear Window with me. And also, I love The Birds. It’s so awesome and wild and disturbing and Tippi Hedron’s outfits are superb. BUT I DON’T GET IT. WHY ARE THE BIRDS SO UPSET WITH THE SAN FRANCISCO LOVE BIRDS?! DID HITCH EVEN WANT TO TRY TO EXPLAIN THIS TO US? Consider me griped!!! 

(Also for answers, go read Ellis Rosen’s Trailer for a Prequel to Alfred Hitchcock’s The Birds)

Asher Perlman

I love homemade gifts! They’re thoughtful, personal, and so much better than some store-bought gadget that I could buy for myself. That being said, I hate ceramic mugs. They somehow manage to be the biggest cup you own and yet also hold the least amount of liquid. But, hey, at least there’s always the looming fear that the friend who made the mug didn’t use the correct glaze or something, so the cup might actually be poisonous.

That being said, if you give me a homemade mug, I will treasure it forever and never get rid of it!

Amy Kurzweil

To be is to be perceived.

Sofia Warren

So maybe it’s not healthy to fester on gripes all the time, but this cartoon was pretty cathartic to draw. Also, maybe what’s at the core of this cartoon is less a gripe and more an existential despair, but what’s the difference? Let’s not quibble. We have so little time! Any second now, these fools will come groveling back, kissing the ring of our benevolent tyrant, Gravity, and begging to be let back into her good graces.

For Your Pleasure: Cartoon Extras

• Pre-order Murder Book, Hilary Campbell’s upcoming graphic memoir our November 9th!

• Pre-order Send Help! a desert island cartoon collection by Ellis Rosen and Jon Adams

• Join Amy Kurzweil on Patreon!

• Follow Kendra Allenby as she walks the Continental Divide Trail for 5 months!

• Be sure to check out Shelby Lorman’s newsletter, Please Clap!

• The same goes for Sofia Warren’s advice newsletter, You’re Doing Great!

• See more cartoons from Ellis Rosen’s weekly Junk Drawer!

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