FantasyStack

You come across a Substack. Roll to read it!

Oct 02, 2022

Ah, a visitor. Do not be afraid, come sit with me by the fire. I take one look into your eyes and I know what you seek: the legendary Toonstack. Yes, it's real, and I know where you can find it. How? Well, friend, that will require a bit of expository world building.

Toonstack was forged on a giant’s toenail that was rudely clipped off and discarded in transit among fellow passengers. It fell into the depths of the forbidden salt seas of Tilleygor, to be found by the great leviathan of the aforementioned salt seas of Tilleygor, who used its mighty ax (also from the same region) to cut the toenail in twain! Then it cut the halves in twain, and those halves in twain, it just loved cutting things in twain, again and again, until the toenail was separated into eleven magical, uh, elevenths. Each eleventh went to a separate realm: The treacherous but ultimately walkable forests of Kendran, the great library in Kurzweilopia, The messy but cozy caves of Campellia, The much cleaner caves of the Warrenlands, the bottom bunk bed of DiNaples, the very nice town of Shelbyville, which you should really visit if you get the chance, Chittyland Adventure Theme Park, the other great library in Jakton, Navied’s house in Utah, the far away but still reasonably commutable lands of Shartzton and the realm of extremely attractive people in South Rosengale.
The rulers of each of the realms formed a … um…what's the word, sort of like a friendly association, especially with people who share one's interests? Anyway, they formed one of those and promised to protect each toenail eleventh with their lives, or more specifically, the lives of the people that lived in their kingdoms. They called this… Fellowship! That's the word! Fellowship! Man, I can't believe I forgot that. Anyway, they called this The Fellowship of ToonStack, and things were more or less fine for, oh I don’t know, let's just say a thousand years. That always sounds good.
Then came the Dawn of the Age of Evil, but everyone was still sleeping so no one noticed until the Morning of the Age of Evil, but even still, everyone figured they would deal with it after breakfast. So, then during the Early Afternoon of the Age of Evil, The Evil Dark Lord, who might have grown up to be a pretty nice guy if he were not named “The Evil Dark Lord,” stole the eleven elevenths of ToonStack and spread them across the great desert of Substackia. And now you have come to find them all, and return the world into the Balance of Light, or Peace or whatever you want to call it. There’s no official term yet.

How do I know all this? Well you see, I am Ellis Rosen, the ruler of South Rosengale, you can tell by my very attractive features. I knew that one day a hero would come and save us all, because as well as being very attractive I am also very wise. So venture forth, hero, gather the eleven elevenths of Toonstack!

Hilary Campbell

Where would I be without the cleaning wizard? He shows up once a month to remind me how inadequate I am and I am so soo grateful.

Ben Schwartz

Despite being a bonafide nerd boy (you would not believe how thick my glasses are), I’ve never been much of a fantasy guy. Well, not a wizards/goblins/trolls fantasy guy. My fantasies these days involve understanding homeownership and not being attacked by my preschooler. That said, I do enjoy drawing weird guys in cloaks. This cartoon was inspired by one of the many times I’ve fallen.

Sofia Warren

My life IS a fantasy. What’s fantasy entail, anyway? Long quests by unlikely heroes tasked with saving the world against all odds, right? I’m currently traveling many arduous, hard-won miles (taking a train) going from the shire (Brooklyn) to the wild, untamed lands of Connecticut (Connecticut) to save innocent young folk from a life of misery and despair (teach comics), out of the goodness of my heart (for money).

Tom Chitty

My favorite part of the Lord of the Rings movies is right at the end when Gandalf and the Elves board the boat to The Undying Lands. It's so sad and moving and we're all crying.

Then the camera cuts to a shot of Bilbo and Gandalf walking away. We're moved again, as we pretend not to notice that little Bilbo is being played by a five-year-old child, in a mad scientist wig.

Peter Jackson's commitment not to use CGI is commendable and we are all crying.

Kendra Allenby

They are absolutely not getting their cut.

Johnny DiNapoli

Horses scare me. Giant, powerful yet skittish hooved-beasts ready to clip clop you at any moment, AND they’re notoriously difficult to draw? No thanks. But Pegasus? Pegasus and I would get along just fine. First stop I’d make with my Pegasus friend: a midnight snack at the world’s largest haystack, owned by a no-good billionaire hay tycoon. That’s right- we’re trespassing. I gain Pegasus’ trust with the lavish meal, while the shared scandalous excitement of the heist creates a deep, unshakeable bond between us. Next stop: Vegas. We hit the vaults of the Bellagio, Mirage, and MGM grand. One night, in and out, boom- we fly off with $150,000,000. But Johnny, you ask, how can just one Pegasus and one handsome thief carry all that money? We don’t. When we secure the cash in eleven sacks, I send out the signal, and they appear: Pegasus’ nine Pegasus brothers and sisters, descending upon the strip in a magnificent winged display. The bystanders, the guards, heck, even the greedy casino owners are too awestruck to do anything, as my Pegasus team loads up the dough and flies off into the full moon night, stupidly rich beyond our wildest dreams.

Amy Kurzweil

A formula for fantasy:

Real thing [from context 1] + other real thing [from context 2] = fantastical thing

Try it at home!

Horse + horn = unicorn

Horse + wings = Pegasus

Dog + another dog but just the head + another dog but just the head = three headed dog

Man + inexplicable things happening that people attribute to the man because science has limitations and there’s a lot about the universe we don’t understand = wizard

Wings + dinosaurs = wait there were winged dinosaurs weren’t there, dammit

New thesis: there is no such thing as fantasy. Everything we can imagine probably exists, somewhere.

Navied Mahdavian

The words fantasy and fantastic come from the Greek phantazesthai meaning “have visions, imagine.” Being a cartoonist is fantastic, often in the fantasy sense, in that, trying to make a living as a cartoonist is a fantasy. But sometimes, it’s just fantastic fantastic like now, when I get to stay in a castle in the south of France for a month drawing cartoons of dogs drinking out of toilets (or bidets since it’s France).

Jason Katzenstein

Gustave Flaubert, who wrote about zero dragons I’m pretty sure, said, “Be regular and orderly in your life, so that you may be violent and original in your work.” The books I read and movies I watch tend to be way more about things like “What if a marriage is hard?” than dragons. But in my cartoon work I’ve found a way to insert dragons into my narrow range of interests.

Shelby Lorman

Here’s an old cartoon harkening back to ye olde days of cursed television series Game of Thrones. The new one? It’s pretty good!

Ellis Rosen

Well, it seems you’ve made it to the end of the Desert of Substackia, collected the Sacred Elevenths, (yes they’re sacred now, that was decided while you were out) And brought the world back to The Balance of Light and Peace (that’s official term now, also decided while you were out. We had a very productive meeting.) However your soul has been corrupted by the Evil Dark Evil that was just sort of around, and you must now sail away to a distant land because of some reason or whatever, I don’t know, its just a good image to end on.

You know I made up a whole fantasy language for this, with idioms an syntax’s and everything but never found a good place to use it. Whelp, as the Orcs of the Chittyland Adventure Theme Park say: “Glo’or, t’’beth Aghul’a’a!”

ToonStack News Stack:

Be sure to check out Jason Chatfield's weekly Substack, New York Cartoons!

New book alert! Sofia Warren’s Radical: My Year with a Socialist Senator is out and available to order here.
Amy Kurzweil teaches cartoon classes on Patreon! Sign up now to get the recording of every past class, and join the next live class!
Listen to Hilary’s podcast What’d You Do This Weekend?
Order Send Help! a desert island cartoon collection by Ellis Rosen and Jon Adams, out now!
Be sure to check out Shelby Lorman’s newsletter, Please Clap!
The same goes for Sofia Warren’s advice newsletter, You’re Doing Great!
See more cartoons from Ellis Rosen’s weekly Junk Drawer