I don’t know if you all have heard but…let me be the first to break the news: it’s really bad Out There. Or so I heard, verbatim, on NPR this morning. Luckily here at ToonStack Times, we have it all figured out. We’ve got tons of good news (cartoons), fair wages (we do this for free), an extremely high standard of editorial oversight (texts to Jason) and of course, the illustrious pivot to newsletter where we have the support of our incredible readers (this one is true!!!).
Anyways, today we’ve got a few musings about the news. You heard it here first!
-Shelby
I’ve always wished I could write a hyper local newspaper but I’m told that’s just called “gossip.”
EXTRA EXTRA I have things to say about the news! But what I have to say isn’t that funny so I’m gonna throw in random jokes to keep this from a full rant. Once upon a time, in theory, journalism went hand in hand with democracy. (Why do writers always feel cold? Because they are surrounded by drafts!) The news let us know what was happening so we could keep ourselves safe and figure out how to use our vote. (Past, present, and future walked into a bar — it was tense!) Then Twitter was invented. And before that television and before that tabloids and before that idk probably something else. Now the news creates its own reality and manifests its own divisions, stoking fear and intolerance for clicks (I was dating an apostrophe but we broke up — she was too possessive!) Do I need to know which celebrity said what about who? Is this essential information or just another way to sell me yoga pants? (What’s black and white and red read all over?…dammit that one doesn’t work in print.)
I don’t receive many emails. I’m often jealous of people who do (you’ve fallen behind on your emails. We get it–you’re SO popular). So you can imagine my excitement when I see that I’ve received one. hat news from the outside world?
I am Today’s Winner! Confirmation-48628*Rlk2
Do you think I’d be a good meteorologist or a great meteorologist? I’m super camera-shy and don’t know anything about weather, but here’s some reasons why I think I’d be a great meteorologist:
I like pointing at big maps
I’d wear fun ties
One time I had a dream I was hanging out with Al Roker, and that seems like a good sign
If the forecast called for rain, I’d share my sympathy with viewers who planned a picnic that day
Did I mention I like big maps?
I’ve recently been moving more towards option four— pa-pum, pa-pum— and I have to say, it’s not so bad.
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