DANGER: SPOOKY. Do NOT open this email!

Oh, my God. No! I TOLD you NOT TO OPEN THIS EMAIL!!! Doesn’t anyone read anymore?? (Literacy rates in America, that’s what’s really scary, amirite?)

I (Sofia) really tried to help you, but now you’ve put yourself in the line of fire, and this warlock is going to curse you—and all your progeny, for all eternity—with a most unbearable misfortune: he is taking your sense of humor. You will never understand a joke ever again. Not even your own! By the time you get to the end of telling a joke, you will have forgotten the beginning, and you’ll have to loop back, and you’ll lose your audience… and more importantly, you won’t be able to laugh at hilarious cartoons, unless you are faking it. A fate, for some, worse than death. Even in Hell, they’re allowed to read ToonStack, and I can tell they haven’t lost their senses of humor because they always like, comment, and subscribe. We get new eternally-damned subscribers every day.

To make matters worse, this warlock is really rubbing it in your face this week by showing you all these hilarious spooky cartoons, which you will no longer understand. Now you just have to read on, knowing that these are the funniest cartoons of all time and yet feeling— nothing.

Nobody ever listens to me.

Hilary Campbell

Is there anything spookier than your feelings? 

Karl Stevens

This was an earlier version of a cartoon that got published a couple years ago.

Ellis Rosen

I’m writing this from my cozy little decomposing, broken-down New England mansion, it's 3:00am on a foggy October night.

WHAT WAS THAT?! Oh phew, it was just the cat. 

Anyway, I have been doing some research about this home–turns out that in the 1800’s a man went crazy and murdered his entire family, the pet cat, the pet dog, the pet goldfish, who, let’s face it, was on its way out anyway, a couple of rats, a pigeon, a tiger who had escaped from the zoo on the worst day possible, some other guys entire family and then finally himself. Spooky, right?

Anyway, a new family moves in and can you believe it? The guy goes crazy, leaves his family and tries to make it in Hollywood. He had one small part in a Buster Keaton movie. Woman remarries, that guy goes crazy, murders family, etc. This goes on for a bit: new family moves in, guy goes crazy, kills family, new family moves in, you get the picture. 

AHHHHH! Whoops, sorry just the cat again. 

At this point people are going, “what's with his house anyway? Maybe we should do something about it,” so they went and found some stranger who waltzed into town, decided it was his fault and proceeded to beat the everloving pie crust out of him.

Well that didn't work, so they tried turning the house into a hotel. After a few more murders, they tried turning it into an insane assylum, and boy, things just got crazy from there. Anyway, they closed that down and eventually rented it to me. I got a decent price. 

OH GOD NO, NO PLEASE! I DON'T WANT TO DIE I–would you believe it? It's still the cat. 

Wait a second… I don't own a cat!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Amy Kurzweil

You know what’s really spooky? Breaking the illusion of a unified self! Fun Halloween Game: avoid taking selfies, looking in a mirror, checking your phone, seeing your identity reflected in the eyes of another human or animal who knows you well, or communicating with anyone at all whatsoever for … let’s try a week! See how scared you get! Spooky good times!

Colin Tom

I live with the condition of vampirism. To speak in the morning hours, coffee in hand, with the feeble voice of the undead, is to reveal my non-morning person identity. The morning person is the antithesis of a vampire and the embodiment of the maturing mortal—an adult. Real adults are morning people. Judging from my body clock, I’ll be over 100 years old but still be in High School—like that softcore Twilight.

Johnny DiNapoli

Every night for the past two weeks or so, I’ve fallen asleep watching 50s sci-fi and horror B-movies (my favorite being The Tingler starring Vincent Price). And for the past two weeks, I’ve been having nightmares and otherwise strange, intense dreams. But it’s also...fun? Halloween creeped me out as a kid, yet now I’m quite the fan. I guess that’s life for you. It’s either that or the deal I made with that demon under the full moon all those years ago, on a night just like tonight…

Sofia Warren

This toon was published in 2020, just before the spookiest time of all: the eleeeeection. :(

Jared Nangle

I think of myself as a creative person, always making an effort to push myself and my boundaries. However, when I go to carve a pumpkin, you know that thing is gonna have triangle shaped eyes and a few square teeth. I can’t picture it any other way and feel stuck with my gourd art. 

Maggie Larson

I love Halloween. New York City does Halloween well (that is until you’re on a subway home with too many drunk sexy pandas) but this year I ventured out to Sleepy Hollow in the Hudson Valley. Now, Sleepy Hollow does Halloween well. I’m talking kid parades, I’m talking pumpkin ales, I’m talking wildly elaborate jack o’lantern blazes, I’m talking graveyards,  I’m talking restaurants and bars all decked out in spooky decor. I also finally read the Legend of Sleep Hollow and Rip Van Winkle…when in Rome! All to say, Happy Halloween, enjoy some creepy regionally specific literature, and enjoy autumnal splendor in the Hudson Valley!

Navied Mahdavian

For me, the spookiest thing about Toonstack this week is how few cartoons about ghosts, goblins, and ghouls I have (read: zero). I have to do some serious introspection and self-examination, which is just about the spookiest thing I can think of.

ToonStack NewsStack:

• Amy Kurzweil teaches cartoon classes on Patreon! Sign up now to get the recording of every past class!

• Listen to Hilary’s podcast What’d You Do This Weekend?

• Sofia Warren’s Radical: My Year with a Socialist Senator is out and available to order here.

• Order Send Help! a desert island cartoon collection by Ellis Rosen and Jon Adams, out now!

• Be sure to check out Shelby Lorman’s newsletter, Please Clap!

• The same goes for Sofia Warren’s advice newsletter, You’re Doing Great!

• See more cartoons from Ellis Rosen’s weekly Junk Drawer!