An absolutely confidential Toonstack
Secret toons
Is there anything more delicious than a secret? Of course there isn’t. If we were at a party, and one waiter was offering oysters, and one was offering pigs in a blanket, and one was offering secrets, which one would have the biggest crowd? Not the oyster lady, that’s for sure. Blech.
There is nothing in this world I, Sofia, love more than being brought into someone’s confidence. I love it so much that last year I started an advice column, and now strangers whisper their secrets into my digital ear. Hearing about how one person I’ve never met is married to another person I’ve never met, but they have a crush on a third person I’ve never met? Thrilling. Someone’s uncle is actually their dad? I’m fascinated! Someone is embezzling? I’m here for it! The best part, weirdly, is that secrets are mutually beneficial: one person unburdens, and the other gets to bask in the glow of intimacy and forbidden knowledge: thank you, and you’re welcome. And to anyone who wants to dispute the pure goodness of secret-telling by pointing out their potential corrupting nature and dark underside: well, of course, you ninny. It’s the danger that makes them so fun.
In addition to Bringing People Together™ and being Part Of This Nutritious Breakfast™, secrets also make for very good cartoons, as evidenced below.
Hilary Campbell
This mother has a dark secret. A dark, red, with notes of cranberry and pomegranate, secret.
I know this is a sad cartoon but this is the kind of stuff I think about.
Ellis Rosen
The most unfair thing in the world is that I don't know everyone's secrets. I have this recurring fantasy that I am invisible and can walk through walls and I use that ability to go into the most secure places in the world and uncover all the incredible secrets stored there. Isn't it wild that I’m going to die one day never having learned all the crazy government secrets, or all of YOUR secrets for that matter? Come to think of it, why haven't you told me your secrets? It’s actually very rude! What’s the worst thing you've ever done? I’m not good at keeping secrets, but I do want to know them regardless, and it only seems fair that you tell me. Tell me. TELL ME. TELLLLL MEEEEE. You can send them to Ellisjrosen@gmail.com.
Shelby Lorman
I call this toon “the nesting egg of oversharing.” It can be read from the innermost circle outward or the outermost circle inwards. How deep. A very succinct subtitle for this and why I find it applicable for the Secrets! theme: “the various places and people we entrust with our innermost thoughts and how we often fail to discern what layer of hell / ring of this nesting egg should harbor said secrets, and more importantly, how we can best advertise products around the secrets you are sharing? - Mark Zuckerberg.”
Navied Mahdavian
Thankfully, being whales, the awkward barnacle talk actually sounds quite beautiful.
Karen Sneider
This cartoon is based on a true story. After twenty years of marriage, I discovered my husband was actually a bird. Although I’ve found my peace with it, some things are hard. Every winter he flies south and it's difficult to be alone. I grow resentful and angry. But every spring he comes back and sings me a wonderful new song, and all is forgiven. Plus birdseed is cheap! (That’s not a bird pun, it's very inexpensive.)
Amy Kurzweil
These kids have happened upon one of the best guarded secrets of our adult world… That propulsive joy you feel in the building of your Lego house? Someday, if you’re very lucky, you’ll take the spark of that creative initiative and figure out how to monetize it.
Asher Perlman
You have to give it to him: it’s crazy how one day can change your life.
Sofia Warren
What’s in the pot? What’s in the poooooootttt???
For Your Pleasure: Cartoon Extras
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And hey, we always would love it if ya:
Another stellar issue. Sofia, I hate oysters too!